No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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