I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
