im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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