I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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