I have demons in me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
