Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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