Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
