Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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