She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
