That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
