I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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