you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
