just tell him i said nine months
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
