so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
