WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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