i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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