my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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