maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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