his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sext me about skeletons
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
