it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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