dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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