By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
