just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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