i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
