I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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