perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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