I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
