You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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