I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
