I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
