the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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