we have pet lesbian snakes
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
