FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
