i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
