Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
