My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
