I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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