i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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