This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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