Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize