Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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