ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
