Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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