I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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