We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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