You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize