What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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