After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
