the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize