I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
