It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
