i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
