I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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