I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
