At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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