Im at strip club and am horny
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Randomize
