need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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