Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I could fuck to npr.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
