Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
