she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
