I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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