He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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