If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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