If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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