Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
