I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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